she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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