Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
