I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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