i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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