this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
