Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Your cock deserves a montage
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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