This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
