Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
