The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
