i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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