capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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