Soap is not a condiment
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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