would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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