I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
