Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Operation Purity has been aborted
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
