$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
