i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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