oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
