i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
