I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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