I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize