your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
