He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
