so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
