Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
