I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
