and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
