The maid of honor just puked.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
