Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
