Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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