I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
