if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
