Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
