I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
no, he came in my armpit
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
