I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
