Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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