There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
