Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I AM VODKA MAN
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
