Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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