im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
