I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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