That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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