I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
