This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize