But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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