When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
