im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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