I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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