Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
