Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
As shirtless as possible
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
