Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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