we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
