i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
