Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
