Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
