I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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