I should be sponsored by Trojan
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize