I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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