i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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