Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
