those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
