if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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