Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
