So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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