I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
