Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize