THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
