dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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