Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
