I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
