That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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