I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
