I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
