In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
