he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Shame is for Republicans.
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