dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
