so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
