Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
