Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
