he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
