Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
