I love black thongs
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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