this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
