The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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