Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
