I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
kristin has been a bad kristin
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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