do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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