remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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